Revolution take top spot

With the fixtures coming thick and fast, we faced the team we expect to challenge strongly for the title, LS United.

bristol revolution football club bristol and avon football league ball amateur football soccer

Pre-match at home to LS United

Bristol Revolution 1-2 LS United

In a hard fought game, LS United were fortunate to come away with all three points. A mix up at the back and an own goal gave Little Stoke the win, despite Nani’s second half goal.

Although LS had the better of the first half, as soon as they lost their dim-witted centre forward to a hamstring injury, they posed little threat at all and we looked the more likely team to score.

Referee McKenzie played his usual game of booking whoever the fuck he wants for swearing/looking at him/not being Caucasian, but probably didn’t submit any of the cards to the league as he is usually too drunk.

Frankly, the less said about this game the better.

Kellaway pitch Southmead bristol football revolution bristol and avon football league

A perfect evening for football, on paper at least

Kellaway 0-5 Bristol Revolution

Just four days later, we headed to Southmead to face new league entrants Kellaway Hire FC. A weird mix of veterans and young lads, Kellaway’s lack of pre-season was obvious as they lacked any kind of fight, cohesion or ability.

We cruised into a half-time lead thanks to an own goal after Grylls’ pass across the goalmouth was battered into the roof of the net by the backtracking keeper. I also nearly scored with a purely accidental cross-shot that went inches over.

With half-time changes made, we pushed on and Kellaway faded fast. A couple of soft goals resulted in a 3-0 lead, before Lex fired in a rocket from the edge of the box. He finished the game with the match ball (as if that actually happens at this level) with a penalty after Tombs was fouled by a lethargic defender.

Bristol revolution kellaway hire fc away southmead bristol and avon football league

Krish looks on proudly (yes, there was a bit of a kit clash)

The light was fading fast, and soon pretty much all I could make out was Kellaway’s fluorescent keeper kit and my own white boots. In the twilight, one of Kellaway’s old boys went in late on our very own kickboxing centre back Gareth – not a good idea. The final minutes mainly involved Gareth attempting to strategically exact his revenge on the veteran midfielder, but thankfully the hobbit-like ref blew for full time before anyone was killed.

A good win, but against a team who will likely struggle for points all season. Truthfully, we should have hit double figures against a team of that standard and will need to up our game if we’re to challenge for the league title.

Still, not too shoddy a start.

TOP OF THE LEAGUE etc #ladsBristol and Avon Football League table premier division

Bristol Revolution – New Season, New Kit, New Optimism!

Now into our third season, Bristol Revolution mean business. After narrowly missing out on promotion last season, we decided that this is our year.

Besides, we have even have a sponsor now, following the takeover of the club by wealthy Asian businessman Raj Bhatt (who may or may not be the manager’s dad).

With key players moving on to pastures new in the post-season – including Marcus Smith joining former captain Ben Serle in the bright lights of London and serial referee-botherer Stuart Mason entering semi-retirement following the birth of his baby girl – it was essential for Revolution to add quality and depth to their squad, with half a dozen new additions including Peter Crouch-a-like Dan Smith and Chris ‘Grylls’ Pipe.

Bristol Revolution home kit nike prontaprint bristol avon football league fishponds downend

New home kit – fancy, huh?

Game One:
Bristol Revolution 5-2 Hartcliffe
Will (2), Jerome, Lex, Aaron

The first game of the season went surprisingly well, with time for both a warm up and team talk. Probably because co-founder Vish Patel took the managerial reigns from Krish Bhatt, who was off arranging another underhanded sponsorship deal in the Middle East.

Revolution flew out the blocks into an early 3-0 lead, almost to our disbelief and in spite of our makeshift 3-5-2 system enforced due to lack of available defenders. Although we were pegged back to 3-2 by half time, Hartcliffe were starting to get annoyed at the apparent bias of the blonde-haired referee who I am almost certain was  Boris Johnson.

Vish brought on Ryan for Welbz to add more defensive cover on the right wing, and we started to control the game more and more. After withstanding a bit of pressure, we shifted to 4-4-2 which left Lex looking bemused as he was suddenly one half of the least defensive central midfield partnership in the league, alongside myself.

By now, Hartcliffe were berating Referee Johnson and had lost sight of the game, to our advantage. Most of the Hartcliffe team got booked for dissent by the end, which will be expensive for their mother.

Another goal and a Lex penalty made the scoreline more comfortable, as we saw out a scrappy end to the game. Three points, job done.

There will be bigger tests to come, though, starting with Little Stoke United at home on Saturday.

What’s that? We’ve only got two defenders available? Oh great.

Classic Revs.

bristol revolution home kit closeup prontaprint nike fishponds downend football amateur

7 brilliant reasons to join Bristol Revolution FC

Not sure who to play for this season? Look no further than Bristol Revolution FC. Here’s 7 reasons why we’re the best amateur football team in Bristol.

  1. Krish’s pep talks

Some players want to play for Mourinho, others for Guardiola. In the South West, though, players travel far and wide to play for Krishan Bhatt.

His eerily-calm demeanour has inspired many a match-winning performance. Whether we’re going into a cup semi final, a pre-season friendly or a top of the table clash, Krish’s soothing tones will have you feeling more relaxed than Raheem Sterling’s accountant.

bristol revolution pre match team talk bristol and avon league

Pre-match huddle (so we can hear Krish)

  1. Sometimes we win and do goals

Surely this is appealing? In our first season, we didn’t do that many goals or win as many games as we’d have liked. In our second season, we did many more goals and nearly finished in a promotion place.

If you’d like to be part of a team that sometimes wins and often does goals, Bristol Revolution are the team for you.

bristol post football club bristol revolution doddington

No goals were done in this game – it was a one off, I promise…

  1. Lex’s bitchfits

Like our very own Mario Balotelli, the ever-volatile Lex Vincenzi is worth the admission price (£0) alone. The stroppy Italian forward has a fantastic free kick conversion ratio, and regularly fires in long range goals out of nowhere.

Even more entertaining, though, is when Lex doesn’t get his way – a shot goes wide, Amar doesn’t pass him the ball, or someone else scores. Cue Ronaldo-esc flailing of the arms, hand gestures and occasional strops off to the halfway line during a team talk.

  1. Tika Taka

Unusually for an amateur team, we actually like to play football more than we like to argue with Bristolian inbred peasants. This means that sometimes a number of passes occur, intentionally, in a row! We have been known to string as many as six passes together before someone miscontrols it or scuffs it wide. THE BEAUTIFUL GAME.

bristol revolution tiki taka passing game adam gilks

Pictorial evidence that we play a passing game (when given 10 yards of space)

  1. Be friends with Welbz

Welbz (aka Danny, Amar, Welbeck) is a constant source of amusement. Whether it’s his ever-changing haircuts, ludicrously bright and expensive boots, or his hilarious delusions of grandeur, there’s never a dull moment.

No one believes in Welbz more than Welbz, and he’s never afraid to try an outrageous lob when he could simply side foot it into the bottom corner. This makes the inevitable scuffed effort and tumble even more fun. Welbz can also be seen sporting thermal under-layers on a 16’c day.

You too can be friends with Welbz!

Danny welbeck bristol revolution amar welbz

Welbz’s actual face when he scores a goal


Anyone who likes football likes banter. This is scientific fact. We like football and so there is also some banter. You may even get invited for a #cheekynandos by Welbz and Fes.

If you like banter then come and play football with us. Also, it’s good banter because less of us are morons than in many other teams. We can all read and write*, which I think is a league-first.


  1. Home in time for Saturday Night Football

Our participation in the Bristol & Avon Football League means we rarely have to travel more than 15 minutes from the city centre. Our cup runs are conveniently short-lived so we don’t have to venture outside the city more than once or twice a season, so you’ll always be back in time for the 5.30pm SNF game. Winning!

If, inevitably, you’re now dying to represent this great club, get in touch and come join us for ‘training’.

bristol revolution football club training floodlights evening

Training consists largely of kicking balls over the fence

Players wanted for 15/16 season


After narrowly missing out on promotion in 2014/15, Bristol Revolution Football Club are looking to add to their squad to push for the Bristol & Avon Football League title in 2015/16.

If you’re interested in representing this wonderful club, get in contact via Twitter @SoccerSagacity or email

Every player dreams of playing for Bristol Revolution one day.
It’s the one club that no one can turn down when they come calling.
Cristiano Ronaldo

The team philosophy is attractive attacking football coupled with chaotic self-destructing defensive madness.

Home games are played at the illustrious Walkers Playing Field, Emersons Green, Bristol. All fixtures are Saturday afternoons, with training on Wednesday evenings.

Footballing ability optional but preferable.

Imagine pulling on this famous kit:

Revolution_kitconceptsSo what are you waiting for? Get in touch and become a legend…

World Cup 2014 | Round of 16 Preview, Schedule & Predictions

Before the World Cup Group Stages, I predicted that Holland would top Group B, but didn’t see Chile coming. I saw Colombia qualifying for the Round of 16, but Cote d’Ivoire let me down.

Overall, I correctly predicted seven of the eight group winners. Only England let me down – that’ll teach me to be optimistic.

So, with a day off from the World Cup survived, just, I thought I’d look ahead to the World Cup Round of 16 (or Knock Out Round if you prefer). Here we go…

World Cup Round of 16 Preview Brazil v Chile

Brazil v Chile
Saturday 28 June, 5pm (UK)

Hosts Brazil have been pretty underwhelming thus far. In my mind, that’s down to Scolari’s continuing faith in Fred up front. Dani Alves and Marcelo need to get forward more, and Fred needs to be replaced by a free-roaming Neymar up front. I fact, I get quite annoyed about the whole thing here.

Chile have impressed most people so far, and will run Brazil close. Brazil don’t defend convincingly, despite the experience and value of their back four. The home crowd should help the hosts over the line, though.

Prediction: Brazil 3 – 2 Chile

World Cup Round of 16 Preview Colombia v Uruguay

Colombia v Uruguay
Saturday 28 June, 9pm

Colombia are another South American team playing above their reputation so far. James (‘HA-mes’?) Rodriguez is arguably player of the tournament so far, and they have pace and aggression across the pitch.

Frankly, I hope Uruguay get absolutely battered. Their continuing denial of any wrongdoing by Luis Suarez is sickening – the manager, the players, even politicians; no one has admitted he is a disgrace who deserved a length ban. I am sick of Uruguay and I’m glad Luis Suarez won’t even enter a stadium for four months.

Prediction: Colombia 4 – 0 Uruguay

World Cup Round of 16 Preview Netherlands v Mexico

Holland v Mexico
Sunday 29 June, 5pm

Holland (no, not Netherlands) are a potent force and in Arjen Robben they have one of the world’s best players (and certainly the world’s best baldy). Also, Ron Vlaar is a marvellous man and deserves success after what Paul Lambert has put him through.

Mexico will get right up in the faces of Holland, but I don’t see them having enough to get through this one.

Prediction: Holland 3 – 1 Mexico

World Cup Round of 16 Preview Costa Rica v Greece

Costa Rica v Greece
Sunday 29 June, 9pm

On paper, possibly one of the grottiest Round of 16 games I can remember. Costa Rica were utterly hopeless against an equally-abysmal England team last time out, but knew they were through already. They are the only hope of entertainment in this game.

Perennial ‘just enough to get through’ experts Greece somehow clawed their way through at the expense of under-achieving Ivory Coast. I loathe the Greeks; especially rubbish Jesus-a-like Samaras. The oddness of Dimitris Salpingidis’s face upsets me, too.

Prediction: Costa Rica 1 – 0 Greece

World Cup Round of 16 Preview France v Nigeria

France v Nigeria
Monday 30 June, 5pm

France have played well so far, and Karim Benzema should have had about 374 goals by now (apparently trying to ruin my ‘Argentina champions/Benzema top scorer’ bet @ 175-1).

But there will be an upset somewhere in the knock out rounds of this World Cup, and I think this might be it. Nigeria break quickly and Musa’s pace is always a threat. I expect France to dominate possession, but fancy Nigeria to shock people with a counter attacking win.

Prediction: France 1 – 2 Nigeria

World Cup Round of 16 Preview Germany v Algeria

Germany v Algeria
Monday 30 June, 9pm

Unlike the France game, I don’t expect a shock here. Germany are utterly ruthless and won’t let any complacency slip in against an inferior Algeria side. Thomas Mueller scores goals for fun, and they have the richest squad in terms of depth of proven quality.

Algeria did well to qualify and can be a threat, but won’t get many chances against the Germans, who will likely bring Klose on to become the all-time top goal scorer ahead of Fat Ronaldo, followed by a customary crap somersault.

Prediction: Germany 2 – 0 Algeria

World Cup Round of 16 Preview Argentina v Switzerland

Argentina v Switzerland
Tuesday 1 July, 5pm

Ah Argentina, my predicted winners in my work league. Come on you beauties. With Messi finding form and, worryingly for the rest, Aguero not having even showed up yet, Argentina have the best attack in the tournament. Di Maria had a great season, helping Madrid to La Decima and rivalling Suarez for ‘Rat of the Year’.

Switzerland are a solid team and with stand-out winger Xherdan Shaqiri fishing for a transfer away from Bayern Munich, they do offer a threat; just not enough.

Prediction: Argentina 3 – 1 Switzerland

World Cup Round of 16 Preview Belgium v USA

Belgium v USA
Tuesday 1 July, 9pm

The final game is also where I see the 2nd upset happening. Belgium have all the right attributes on paper, but don’t quite seem ready at this level. Romelu Lukaku’s poor form shows how much they miss Christian Benteke, although Divock Origi is leading the way for this World Cup’s El Hadji Diouf Award for being discovered (by Liverpool) after having a few good games.

Jurgen Klinsmann’s USA side are well drilled, hard-working and disciplined. Clint Dempsey provides moments of magic, although they lack the quality to really make an impact at this tournament. Still, I think they can nab a win against the Belgians.

Prediction: Belgium 0 – 1 USA

So, there we go – more predictions that no one will read and will probably never come to fruition. I’m going to study the accumulator odds for picking the winners as per the above, so here’s how the World Cup Quarter Finals will line up as I see it:

Brazil v Colombia
Holland v Costa Rica
Nigeria v Germany
Argentina v USA

What do you think?
Head to the place where everyone’s got an opinion and tell me what a twat I am for choosing Nigeria ahead of France: @soccersagacity

World Cup Analysis | Scolari needs to drop Fred to win World Cup

Much was expected of Brazil, but so far they are struggling to find their best form. Indeed, before an uninspiring 0-0 with Mexico, Brazil needed help from the referee to make it past Croatia.

Clearly, the start hasn’t been good enough. But what should Scolari do?

End Fred’s misery to save the tournament

The lethargic forward stands out like a sore thumb in the Brazil team. This is not a striker who is going to lead the country to World Cup glory. He lacks work rate, flair and about 20 other attributes. He does, however, go down easy and convince gullible officials into giving penalties.

Fred doesn’t contribute enough to this team. He completed just 8 of 16 attempted passes v Mexico. Against Croatia, he had no shots, no assists, and didn’t even register an ‘attacking run’ in Croatia’s defensive third. He is, frankly, pretty useless.

Fred Brazil Mexico world cup group stages

Fred: goes down easy is his main ‘attribute’

Who should replace Fred?

Equally useless striker Jo is not the answer, despite what Big Phil might think.

Hulk is one of the more talented and physical attacking options, but he lacks the guile and composure to play as the central striker in this team – his role is as an attacking battering ram to be brought on.

Instead, Scolari should move Neymar into the middle and deploy him in a similar way to Thomas Mueller of Germany, albeit with more creative license to run at defenders. This frees up another attacking midfield/deep lying forward position which could be filled by Willian, Bernard or Hulk.

Will that fix all of Brazil’s problems?

Unlikely. In midfield, Paulinho and Luis Gustavo have hardly set the world alight. If fit, Fernandinho should be brought in to control the central midfield area and free up Paulinho to play further forward. Ramires of Chelsea too could play a bigger part, with the energy to get up and down all game long. Ramires is also comfortable contributing to attacking phases, and can overlap Oscar and Willian neatly after a season together in London.

Who should start against Cameroon?

The match against Cameroon is a chance for Scolari to make a statement ahead of the knock out rounds. Here’s the team he should consider:

Brazil line up world cup v Cameroon group stages

How Brazil could line up against Cameroon

4-3-3 becomes 5-4-1 whilst defending

When not in possession, this formation allows Brazil to morph into a 5-4-1 with Fernandinho supporting the centre backs. Paulinho, Ramires, Willian and Oscar have the work rate to play as a defensive midfield four, leaving Neymar to apply additional pressure and be ready to spring a counter attack.

World cup Brazil possible formation against Cameroon Mexico Croatia group A

When not in possession, the 4-3-3 becomes 5-4-1

4-3-3 becomes 3-4-3 when in possession

This is where it gets fun.

In possession, Thiago Silva and David Luiz spread wide and accommodate a deep-lying Fernandinho. The Man City midfielder and Luiz can interchange as one or the other carries the ball forward, if space permits, creating a 2-5-3 formation temporarily.

The width of Marcelo and Alves allows Willian and Oscar to tuck inside, swapping positions and running diagonally behind the centre backs. Neymar floats in a free role, seeking possession and one-twos. Paulinho and Ramires hold the central area, breaking wide to support the full backs if necessary, or running beyond Neymar if he drops deep.

Brazil formation world cup team group stages attack Scolari Fred

The fluid 4-3-3 becomes a 3-4-3 when on the attack

Fluidity is the key

This formation makes Brazil much more fluid; without cumbersome target man Fred they are free to interchange positions, with all attacking players comfortable in possession.

For more physical opponents, Hulk can be introduced in place of Willian. To combat stubborn defenses, Oscar can replace Paulinho in centre midfield, freeing up an attacking berth for Hulk or Bernard.

Only time will tell if Scolari is brave enough to drop the failing Fred. The Brazilian fans need to see changes made if this side are to bring the true Brazilian style back in time to win their home World Cup.

Don’t agree? Love Fred? Tell me your Brazil starting XI in the comments below or on Twitter @soccersagacity

World Cup Predictions: Group Stages

Everyone loves to have a go at predicting the group stages of the World Cup. I’m no different. Here’s my soon-to-be-proved-wrong attempt at predicting the final group stage standings.

Group A

World Cup Group A Brazil Croatia Mexico Cameroon prediction

Unsurprisingly, Neymar and chums romp through Group A with little difficulty. An opening day win against Croatia sets the tone. Mexico struggle against the technique and ball retention of the Croats, and Cameroon might as well have not qualified. Fred scores lots of goals despite not being that good.

Group B

World Cup Group B Netherlands Spain Chile Australia Holland Brazil prediction

In Group B, Holland (as I prefer to call them) topple Spain in the replay of the 2010 World Cup Final and don’t look back. Spain beat Chile and the Aussies. Chile depend heavily on Alexis Sanchez, Australia do very little at all.

Group C

World Cup Group C Colombia Ivory Coast Japan Greece Cote d'Ivoire Prediction

Falcao-less Colombia win the group over the Ivory Coast on goals scored (how exciting!). Yaya Toure looks pretty tired but is still incredible. The Japanese struggle against the top two but beat hopeless Greece, who can only dream of repeating their Euro heroics of 2004 and don’t even score a single goal. Rubbish.

Group D

World Cup Group D England Uruguay Italy Costa Rica brazil predictions

“Youthful, Exciting England can win the World Cup” cry the tabloids as we beat Italy in Manaus. The awful pitch stifles Pirlo’s passing game, and England break with pace and energy before retreating to soak up the pressure. A draw with rat-faced racist and co. follows, before an easy win in the final game seals progression. Uruguay squeeze through the group at Italy’s expense, and Balotelli throws a tantrum. Some other team loses all three games and fails to score.

Group E

World Cup Group E France Ecuador Switzerland Honduras brazil predictions

France recover from the shambles of South Africa four years ago to top the group with maximum points. Samir Nasri and her lesbian life partner are bitter. Ecuador qualify ahead of a youthful Swiss side by exploiting their pace on the wings, with Montero catching the eye and Antonio Valencia blasting many ‘cross-shots’ between defenders and goalkeepers. Honduras get a point from Switzerland, with a goal likely scored by someone named ‘Palacios’.

Group F

World Cup Group F Argentina Nigeria Bosnia Iran brazil predictions

Argentina win the group without dropping points because they have Sergio Aguero and Lionel Messi. In an otherwise scrappy and low-scoring group, Nigeria come out ahead of Dzeko’s lads on goal difference. Iran score one goal somewhere and no one really cares.

Group H

World Cup Group G Belgium Russia South Korea Algeria brazil predictions

Not-so-dark horses Belgie/Belgique play lots of nice football, with smiley Romelu Lukaku and Eden Hazard having plenty of fun. Putin’s XI qualify, more due to the lack of quality from South Korea and Algeria than anything else.

Group G

World Cup Group G Germany Portugal USA Ghana brazil predictions

A GROUP OF DEATH!!! HUZZAH!!! Oh wait, no…no shocks here. The Germans are predictably ruthless and dispose of all in their path, despite the press recently (and prematurely) declaring the death of German football after an all-Spanish Champions League final. Ronaldo comes second in the group after lots of gesturing and hair-wetting, whilst USA and Ghana battle it out for 3rd. Michael Essien laughs continuously on the bench.

So there you have it, that’s how the World Cup group stages will/may/probably won’t play out.

To have a go yourself, try the Telegraph’s Predictor Game.

Don’t agree? Tell me what you think on Twitter @soccersagacity


My Panini World Cup Card Obsession

I tear the foil open nervously, looking around to see if anyone has seen me. Wasting no time, I turn the first card around. Get lost, Gokhan Inler – I’ve got you already. Turn another. And another. Got. Got. Yes, Edinson Cavani…you greasy bastard, I need you! More follow…got, got. Then the final card – and I can feel it’s a shiny. Anxiously, I flip it over…it’s a shiny…Neymar! Yes!! That’s a nice shiny. Right, I need another pack…

Collecting World Cup cards (or stickers, if you prefer) is not a hobby. Well, it is in the beginning. Then it’s a compulsion, a need, an addiction. It will all be worth it, I tell myself, when I turn on Iran v Bosnia-Herzegovina and recognise the players.

panini world cup brazil 2014 stickers cards album

Where it all began…

It’s not easy, though. You have to overcome the social stigma – people who don’t like football (to the point of obsession) don’t get it, so you’ve got to be tactical about where you get your hits, and when. I feel like a crack head as I cautiously open the packs in public, my back turned to passers-by to avoid embarrassment.

The first step is buying your packs – ideally, you find a stockist who has the packs out on display. Self checkout, done – no embarrassment required.

panini world cup brazil 2014 stickers cards album shop tesco

POS displays allow embarrassment to be minimised

It’s not always possible though and needs must. I scuttle up to the cashier and ask for the World Cup cards. “These?” they reply, inevitably pointing to the stickers. “No, the cards, to the left” I reply. The cashier reaches past the Ben10 cards and finally grabs the correct pack.

Payment made, I get out as fast as possible, hoping they think you’re buying them for a younger sibling. Sometimes, though, you get a wry smile and a knowing nod from the lad behind the till. He knows.

panini world cup brazil 2014 stickers cards album balotelli

Game Changers – moments worth waiting for

So you’ve bust open a few packs, and it’s time to sort them. If, like me, you’re a card fan, then the satisfaction is carefully sliding the cards into their place in the folder. If you prefer the traditional stickers, it’s the precise placing of each sticker in the album. Either way, there’s nothing like lining up that final Ecuadorian thug that you’ve been waiting for.

The early elation of need after need soon starts to fade as the swaps start to become more and more common. Got, got, got, got, got, need, got, got, got. The bad packs can ruin a good day. But this misery brings with it the glory of ‘swapsies’.

panini world cup brazil 2014 stickers cards album, danny welbeck england

The sickeningly common Danny Welbeck card

As a guy in his mid-twenties, swaps are harder to come by. There is no school yard to swap in anymore, so you have to adapt. Fortunately, technology facilitates where working life hinders.

My phone vibrates and it’s a Snapchat from a mate some 70 miles away – he’s just opened a shiny Messi. Son of a bitch. But my lunchtime hit has unveiled a Germany team logo – lovely. The phone vibrates again, and this time it’s a WhatsApp message. In the group titled ‘World Cup’ – with a picture of Phil Jagielka’s all-too-common mug as the group image – half a dozen equally desperate swappers are exchanging cards. Sadly, no one seems to want my Danny Welbecks or ten-a-penny Tranquillo Barnetta ‘Expert’ shinys.

panini world cup brazil 2014 stickers cards album swaps swapsies

Swaps are displayed and the bidding begins

But now, the pace has slowed. Swaps are piling up, and ‘needs’ are harder to come by. Even one need in a pack of ten feels like a victory. The ellusive cards that Panini no doubt holds back are nowhere to be seen, and without a playground full of swappers, the completion seems unlikely.

At this point, Panini have me by the balls. I’ve invested so much time and dignity in this, there’s no turning back. Not to mental the financial hit I’ve taken.

panini world cup brazil 2014 stickers cards album

“I can quit whenever I want”, I tell myself

Equally, though, I’m a realist – I have a chance at completing the base teams, but the shinies? There are so many; Fans’ Favourites, Game Changers, Experts, Top Masters, and the seemingly unobtainable Double Troubles (two superstars on one card).  I can’t stop until I’ve at least found the Aguero/Messi Double Trouble. I feel like Charlie looking for Willy Wonka’s golden ticket.

The choices? Well, there’s cheating – you can always turn to Panini’s official website and order the cards you need for extortionate rates. Then there’s Ebay, full of people shipping off their wedges of swaps for equally outrageous prices. Or, the traditional method – plough through more packs in search of the elusive cards you crave so deeply.

My preference?

“Excuse me…no, not the stickers…”

panini world cup brazil 2014 stickers cards adrenalyn xl germany greece

Country badge = great day

panini world cup brazil 2014 stickers cards album

I never want to set eyes on Claudio Bravo ever again

panini world cup brazil 2014 stickers cards album

Gotta catch ’em all! Wait, wrong game…





Aston Villa’s Season In Stats

It’s been a poor season for us Villa fans again, as we know, and the future is pretty uncertain too. Randy is selling up, not a moment too soon, and Lambert’s future is precarious at best.

Still, before we look forward, let’s take one last look back.

Here is Aston Villa’s season in stats:

aston villa season in statistics, randy lerner, aston villa for sale, paul lambert, AVFC

A grim season by anyone’s standards.

All is not lost, however. If we can avoid the club falling into the hands of a Tan or Shinawatra, we might have cause for optimism come the new season.

Up The Villa.

Stats and graphics courtesy of Opta

Revolution Blog Five: Toppling the League Leaders

Hosting the league leaders should be a daunting task, but having scored 15 goals in our previous three games, we were in confident mood, and it showed in our best performance of the season.

On Saturday morning, Broad Plain ‘A’ sat top of the Bristol and Avon Premier Division with 14 wins in 19 games, just three defeats, and having scored 80 goals in the process. Bristol Revolution, in our first season, started in lower-mid table with 6 wins from 15 games.

What’s more, we were missing several key first team players – centre back Stu was watching his beloved Southampton lose to Cardiff, and joint top-scorer Will was drinking his weight in cider on a coach to Dover. A one-sided affair, you might expect? It’s a funny old game blah blah.

For once, we were out early and warmed up thoroughly. Meanwhile, there was no sign of Broad Plain who, it turned out, had packed their red home kit which neatly matched ours, so were on the hunt for an alternative.

By the time they finally arrived – in a fetching yellow and green Norwich City number – we had found time to lump about a dozen balls over the hedge and into a neighbouring school’s field, and played a piggy-in-the-middle game in which none of us could pass or control the ball.

bristol avon football league revolution soccer

Krish prepares to unleash Yaya on the league leaders

Once they arrived and Ben had his obligatory last-minute piss, we kicked off and pressed high from the start, giving them no time to settle. Broad Plain looked disorganised and their lack of a warm up showed as we took advantage with two quick-fire goals.

Nilesh ‘Nani’ Mashru picked up possession and ran at their veteran centre backs before playing in ‘Big’ Joel DaCosta, who finished neatly. Moments later, Nani chased down a long ball and drilled a cross to Amar ‘Welbz’ Brown who met the cross with a poachers’ finish to make it 2-0.

Broad Plain hit back, though, when a free kick was headed in at the far post. 2-1.

Their approach early in the game epitomised the English style; lobbing high balls at our defence and looking to get on to the knock downs. This tactic probably would have had us on our arses earlier in the season, but big performances from centre backs Vish and Gareth meant they offered little from open play.

As the game tightened, Broad Plain won a corner. As one of the midgets of the team, I took up my usual place on the post, and (ironically) thought about how I’ve yet to be needed in this position for the Revs. That thought quickly faded from my mind when the corner was headed back across goal. With keeper Kalpit beaten, I managed to hook the ball off the line with a flick of my boot, just, despite protests that it had crossed the line. It hadn’t, and it was a key moment in the game.

Soon after, Gareth launched a free kick from the half way line into their box. The keeper hopelessly parried it onto the crossbar, and Big Joel (‘Yaya’) was quickest to react to the rebound; 3-1 at halftime.

The second half started and the aggressive match up in midfield continued. Our midfield duo of Joel and Serle (think Yaya Toure alongside a young Ronald Koeman) were getting hit hard by their midfield of ‘Big Fuck’ no.3 and ‘Little Fuck’ no.6. Ben, in his usual polite manner, repeatedly niggled at no.6 and then apologised profusely before being hit with a tirade of abuse. Yaya, in the meantime, was having a classic Sunday League style clash with their no.3.

yaya toure ronald koeman football midfield soccer

Koeman and Toure – forming a formidable partnership at the heart of the Revolution midfield

The Yaya-no.3 duel soon came to a head, when the two eyeballed each other after a few heated challenges. Typically relaxed, Yaya was having none of it despite some petty abuse from less intellectual opponents, whilst Broad Plain’s no.3 was getting more and more wound up. A sly swipe at Yaya’s legs off the ball resulted in the female ref issuing a yellow card, much to our delight.

Away from the handbags, we started to take control. I slipped a slightly-too-heavy through ball behind the defence, which Nani kept in play and coolly laid back for Serle to whip into the top corner from the edge of the box.

Meanwhile, Broad Plain’s no.3 was up to his old tricks and decided to swing an elbow at Vish’s throat. Everyone seemed to see it, except for the 4’3” lady-ref, who couldn’t punish an offence she hadn’t seen despite our protests. If Stu ‘fucking crunch the cunt’ Mason had been playing, I’m pretty sure there would have been some retribution dished out.

Fortunately, we kept our heads and soon their aging defence started to tire, leaving more and more space for Nani and Welbz to exploit. Ben placed a diagonal pass, which I got the slightest touch on, and Nani once again burst through. Having hit the woodwork on a few occasions already, he smashed home the finish to get a well-earned goal.

Moments later, I picked up the ball in midfield and slotted the self-styled ‘Aeymar’ in between the centre backs. Unusually composed, Amar was poised to finish when he was clipped by their mindless defender. It was a foul, but in the words of Welbz post-match, he “made the most of it”. Welbz stepped up to convert from the spot, and we were in dreamland.

bristol avon football league revolution soccer

With the game won, manager Krish brought on three subs for the closing minutes of the match. Man of the Match Nani was at the centre of things yet again as his intelligent flick put substitute Miller in on goal. After rounding the keeper, he dribbled the ball in – a wise move considering the state of the turf – and a thumping 7-1 win was complete.

How Broad Plain ever made it to top of the league, I don’t know. What I do know is that, on our day, we can beat anyone in this league.

I feel worryingly optimistic, but there will be harder games to come. Next up, the first of our midweek games against mid-table rivals De-Veys.

In the words of Krish’s dad Raj: “COME ON REVS!!!”


bristol avon football league revolution soccer


League Table 130414